Why do we wait to be happy?
Why is it that we are always waiting for something to change or something to be added before we can be who we want to be.
We all have the to power to be happy in the now, if we just slow down enough to recognize how the conditions we set on happiness can play a part in our unhappiness.
Of course things may have happened to us that cause us to be unhappy, heartbroken, vulnerable and weak. This is human!
But when we wish to recover we must remember our mindset is very important.
I’m reminded of the story of a man who said “Until my anxiety and depression goes away I refuse to be happy”
Try figuring out how that far that one goes!
Feelings, thoughts, sensations, anxieties and depressions are only temporary phenomenon. They don’t define us unless we let them.
When we do it actually isn’t our fault, it’s part of the English language to define feelings and moods as a permanent part of the I that we are.
We say things like I am very anxious, I am sad, I am depressed. But many of these things are transitory. They might not be there tomorrow but we speak about them like they define us.
We don’t for instance say I am a headache or a belly ache. We know that these are temporary.
But when a mood, emotion, anxiety or depression strikes we act as if we are those things, period! We get black or white.
We might also call ourselves a failure, an idiot, a monster or an ugly person to name just a few. But these are only labels that we take on or are given to us which might only partially reflect what has happened in a moment or in a past event.
In other everyday moments we could be very successful, intelligent, loving or beautiful in many different ways. But with negative labels we hang around our necks like permanent fixtures that prevent us from seeing our infinite potential.
While we cling to labels and identify in this way we essentially say until someone proves me wrong, someone says it’s not true, or until other things change I won’t be happy.
It could be until my partner makes happy I won’t be happy, or until my boss recognizes me I won’t be good enough!
But did it ever occur to anyone that despite feeling these ways in moments we can still be happy. We can have temporary food poisoning and feel lousy but still have a happy life.
We can feel sad for a week and yet while that sadness is there we can be grateful for everything that we have and hopeful for the future?
We can have cancer and still be full of joy if it doesn’t define us!
Being happy is not thrills or having everything perfect.
It is seeing things as they are and being ok with ourselves enough to be wrong, to have bad feelings, moments, fears, moods, pasts, illness and current situations while recognizing that all things can be worked on and fixed from within us.
As the old mindfulness saying goes: As long as you are breathing there is more right with you than wrong with you no matter what is going on with your life.
So why do we wait?
Happiness and life is lived in the now, it’s not lived next year when we achieve X, and it’s not in the past before we lost Y.
It is now!
This doesn’t mean we can’t work on the things that hold us down, on the contrary it means that if they aren’t permanent then they can change and we can change!
Reality can be harsh but it is just as it is, our reaction forms how we feel and respond.
In life we often can’t do anything to change our situation, others or the past but we can change ourselves and this is one of the joys of being human, we can adapt, grow and change!
Any change in our lives must start from within and move outwards. Even if all our dreams come true if we are still the same we won’t become truly happy.
The joy of helping clients achieve these kinds of changes is what brought me into this work as a therapist.
It helps me and is my pleasure to assist others in finding their strength to change themselves and to give themselves permission to simply be in this world.
Psychotherapy is a place where change is explored and growth is kick started.
If anyone reading this would like some more information about how I work as therapist either to help clients work on anxiety, depression, self esteem, adjusting to change/loss or improving relationships then feel free to get in touch.
People can message this Facebook page, call/text me on 087 063 0948 or email info@abatecounselling.com for more information.
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Thanks for reading and have a great day!
Michael Ledden
Anxiety Ireland
Anxiety is like a merry-go-round, going nowhere, it’s time to step off.
